Saying goodbye is never easy, especially when you’re saying it to someone you love for the very last time. Because Micah’s health deteriorated so quickly at the end, he didn’t get the chance to tell many people goodbye. Instead of having months to say his final farewells to family and friends, Micah ended up only having days and even then, I don’t know if he realized how little time he really had.
By the time we were able to tell Micah that there wasn’t anything else the doctors could do to treat his cancer and that he wasn’t going to get better, he only had a couple of “good” days left. Once Micah realized that his time was limited, one of the first things he wanted was to see his sister, Annika. Knowing that she was on her Europe trip, he asked how long she had been there and when she was supposed to return. Because he really wanted to see her but felt bad about her needing to come home early from her trip, he graciously said, “I’ll give her three more days and then she needs to come home.” It was almost like he knew how much time he had left because by the third day, it was really his last decent day. Luckily, she was home within two days and they were able to spend a little quality time together.
At one point, Micah told me that he wanted to see his friends. Unfortunately he didn’t get that chance because by the time it would have been possible, he was in so much pain and the pain meds that he was on made him so confused and tired that he spent most of his time sleeping and he wasn’t up for visitors. I know that Micah cherished his friends and would have loved to be able to see them one more time and tell them goodbye. Micah was blessed with great friends and I know he was so grateful for them.
Sometimes I feel like Micah was robbed of the opportunity to say many goodbyes but at least we were able to be with him during his final days and moments. When I think of people who lose loved ones unexpectedly and don’t get the opportunity for that last farewell, I feel so grateful for the little time we were given.
As we say goodbye to 2018 and welcome a new year, it is with mixed feelings. Although last year was a difficult one for our family filled with hospital stays and trips for treatment, we were blessed with time with Micah. I’ll never feel like I had enough time with him but I will forever be grateful for the 15 years that we did have. We’re hoping for a better year in 2019 filled with hope, healing and many good memories of our time with Micah.
Grieving Mama 