HOPE

Hope is an interesting thing. When you have it, it gives you the strength to go on, something to look forward to. When it’s gone, you can’t see beyond today. From that very first day, before Micah was even offically diagnosed with cancer, most of the medical staff that he encountered would ask him about his future plans. In addition to general questions about himself, they almost always asked him what he wanted to be “when he grew up”. I realized that, in asking this question, they were likely trying to plant the seed of hope in Micah. If he could envision a future for himself, maybe it would give him what he needed to fight and “win” his battle with cancer.

Although Micah’s response would fluctuate from time to time, his answer to this question would usually indicate his desire to be a math teacher. He always enjoyed math and felt that it was a strength of his. It also meant he would be able to have a job that would allow him to have his summers off so he could spend more time at the family cabin, which was his main priority.  Whatever his answer was; math teacher, electrician, or engineer, he always had an answer to the question, until the day he found out that his cancer had spread. The next time he was asked that question, his response broke my heart and made me realize that he was losing hope. When he responded with, “I don’t know, that’s too far away to think about”, I knew he was wondering if he would ever get to that point.

After reading about the type of cancer that Micah had, even after being warned by several staff not to Google it, we knew the odds were against him, especially since his cancer was stage IV. In spite of this, we really thought that he would beat it and eventually be okay. By the end, though, things kept going from bad to worse. Any glimmer of hope that we had, would be drowned out with more bad news. By the last week, we knew that there was no hope of a cure. When people would say that they were still praying for a miracle, I knew in my heart that miracle wasn’t going to happen. Our hope in healing for him had been crushed. 

Now, we have turned to a different kind of hope, the hope we have in our faith. The hope of eternal life in heaven. We believe that Micah is in the presence of God, celebrating his first Christmas in heaven with friends and family who have gone on before him. We received a gift from one of Micah’s friends today. It was a poem called I’m Spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this Year and it’s a beautiful vision of what we hope Micah is experiencing. We pray that you are able to hang on to hope in whatever circumstances you are experiencing.