Memories

This picture of Micah was taken two years ago, before he was sick, while he was just your typical, carefree teenager. As he and I were leaving school that warm spring day, it began to downpour. I was in favor of waiting it out in the shelter of the school but not Micah. He encouraged me saying, “Come on Mom, it’ll be fun!” So we took off our shoes and ran through the pouring rain, splashing through the deep water to get to our car. We were soaked by the time we got there but I had to take this picture of him to show the depth of the water in the parking lot. I tend to be the type of person who typically plays it safe but I’m so glad Micah encouraged me to take a chance and play in the rain that day. Now I have this fun memory to look back on every time it rains.

Just a few days ago, it was raining when I was leaving school. As I was walking to my car, my mind immediately took me back to that day when this picture was taken. I smiled as I walked to my car, thinking of the fun we had that day. Once I was in the car though, my smile gave way to tears as the pain of losing Micah surfaced once again. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about Micah or see something that reminds me of him but lately, it seems like there have been so many little things that have been flooding my mind with memories of him. When they say that grief comes in waves, I believe it and I feel like a huge one has just caught me off guard and knocked me off my feet.

I’m not sure why my grief has intensified in the past few days but as I think about it, many possible reasons come to mind. Whether it’s the upcoming Easter holiday, preparing for Annika to graduate and head off on her own adventures leaving us to be empty nesters prematurely, or the fact that Micah has now been gone over 8 months, basically the same amount of time from when he started experiencing his symptoms until we lost him, it doesn’t really matter. The fact is, he’s gone. He won’t be coming back. However, the many reminders that I have of him not only bring tears of grief but also bring back beautiful memories of time spent with him.

When I was at church tonight for the Easter Vigil, something in the pastor’s sermon struck me. He talked about how the Ressurection took away death’s power to steal our joy. Death in and of itself will certainly take away our joy and fill our lives with pain but with God’s promise and hope of eternal life, we can find joy again, knowing that one day we will all be reunited. It’s that hope that helps to ease our pain a little and gives us the strength to go on without our loved ones by our side, believing that someday, we will once again be together for eternity.